Advice/Bible Resources/Relationships

By Summer Lane

Photo: Deposit

Spring and summer are two busy months for wedding venues, and many brides opt for a classic June wedding when it comes time to say, “I Do.” Marriage is a very serious union before God that is not to be taken lightly, but if done right, it can be beautiful!

Seeing pictures of weddings online and watching one of my dear family members get ready to tie the knot this summer got me thinking about how prone we can be to focus on the wedding rather than the marriage – and how there are a lot of things I wish I had known when I got married years ago!

If you’ve been married for a decade or longer, you’ve probably got your own laundry list of things you wish you had known about marriage, too, before exchanging vows – and that’s not a bad thing! Life is about learning and growing. It’s also about taking what we’ve learned and handing that wisdom down to the next up and coming generation to help them navigate the first few years as newlyweds and, often, as young parents.

Titus 2:4-8 says, “These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely.”

Imparting generational wisdom is a Biblical mandate for women, so when I write about marriage and weddings, my goal is to share helpful things that I’ve picked up along the way and as I continue to learn.

Don’t worry about what other people think

When I was planning my wedding, I was so worried about what people would think. I was a lot younger and I was getting married in a community where most brides had big, multi-thousand-dollar wedding celebrations. As a young entrepreneur and writer, I had to pay for my own wedding, and so my big day was definitely done on a budget. I worked hard, scraped and saved, and put together a charming and intimate wedding of under 180 guests with the help of friends and my grandparents.

Paying for my wedding at 23 years old was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, but I’m proud that I was able to pull it off! I lovingly handmade each table decoration centerpiece and all the wedding favors. I had no money for flowers, but someone generously gave me enough roses and hydrangeas for beautiful bouquets. It was a perfect day, filled with happy memories. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time worrying if other people would think that my wedding wasn’t “fancy” enough, because it didn’t matter! I couldn’t have cared less when the big day finally came, and I can honestly say that marriage is far better than a wedding, anyway.

A wedding is a happy and wonderful day, but that’s all it is: one day. It is the starting point for a lifetime of victories, failures, growth, disappointments, comebacks, and teamwork. It’s not about the party. It’s not about having the perfect wedding photos (although they are fun!). It’s not about putting on a show.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” says Genesis 2:24.

Divorce, cohabitation, and more

Divorce rates in America have actually begun to fall slightly over the past several years. Why? People are choosing to cohabit rather than marry. Divorce is time-consuming and expensive, and the commitment to marriage scares a lot of people away from it.

However, the average American wedding today costs a shocking $35,000, based on statistics from The Knot. Millennials are spending a lot more than GenZ couples, as well. The older generation is willing to dump around $40,000 on average on a wedding, while GenZ is capped at around $25,000.

Still, these prices are seriously high – especially when about 50 percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. I believe this truly comes down to an emphasis on the party of the wedding rather than the nuts and bolts of the relationship driving it.

A marriage without Christ at its center is already on shaky ground

Mark 10:6-9 reminds us, “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

The Bible is clear about the specific rules for men and women, and the longstanding covenant of marriage has been a cornerstone of moral and upright societies for thousands of years.

America, to be clear, is really in a wildly post-Christian era. Think about this: 90 percent of all Americans today have sex before marriage. 40 percent of all American children are born to unmarried mothers. This is a serious issue. The majority of young people in the church today are having sex before marriage, which can affect their relationships later in life.

The problem comes down to a lack of basic understanding of the importance of marriage and purity. God created marriage as a holy covenant. Not everybody is called to marry (Matt. 19:11-21, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9), and in fact, Paul even says it is “better” for Christians not to marry if they can control their passions.

This is integral! Sometimes, the church can put so much pressure on the value of getting married that it is entirely likely that many people join together in holy matrimony simply because it is “expected” or because it’s “just the next thing to do in life.”

All of these elements – a misunderstanding of the Biblical definition of marriage, worldly influence on sexual behavior, toxic party-hard wedding culture, and social media comparison – contribute to why so many people are either A) getting divorced or B) refusing to get married at all.

If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself that marriage is a beautiful and challenging thing. It’s a blessing from God and it is also a test of endurance. It’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. I would tell myself not to worry about whether the flowers were perfect or if everyone would give me a second look if I didn’t have “enough” bridesmaids.

I would remind myself of this verse, which I believe encapsulates the importance of a strong, dual relationship:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Marriage is like what this verse describes. It’s about having someone who will lift you up when you fall – and vice versa.

Remember this, especially if you are soon planning on being married: if you keep Christ at the center of your marriage, you will be building your lives on a rock-solid foundation of truth and Biblical love…and that’s what it’s all about.

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The opinions in this article are specific to its author, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the entire Counter Culture Mom team. This specific article was written by Summer Lane, and may not be reproduced, except to quote for reviews or interviews, without the express permission of the author. 

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Summer Lane is the #1 bestselling author of 30 books, including the hit Collapse Series. She is an experienced journalist and columnist who reports on news within the U.S. and abroad. She is the Associate Editor for Right Side Broadcasting Network. Additionally, she owns Write Revolution News, where she provides a rapid-fire feed of the nation’s most important America First news and events.

Summer is also a mom and wife who enjoys rural country living, herding cats and ducks, and reading fiction. She is passionate about writing on women’s issues, parenting, and politics from a theologically-grounded perspective that points readers to the good news of the gospel.

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