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How To Know If Your Teen Is Having Sex

teen having sex

How To Know If Your Teen Is Having Sex

by Bethany Dumbleton


What should we look for?

Living in the world today nearly everything we encounter is sexualized in one way or another. Because of that, it can be really hard to decipher between what is normal teenage behavior and what should concern us. We don’t want to be overbearing as parents but we also cannot afford to be careless. As adults, we realize that there is so much more at stake than just pregnancy and STD’s. We all would love to be able to know if our teen is having sex or considering it.

Five common signs:

_Change in attitude or behavior

If your teen is having sex it is likely that he or she will become irritable and easy to upset. You’ll notice an attitude shift. Your daughter may become more emotional and “bratty,” as some would call it. Your sons may become very passive and easy to anger as well. These are all signs of guilt and shame manifesting. If they were brought up in a Christian home, they know the standard God has set in his word and their spirit will not be in alignment with their actions. This creates an inner turmoil that, because of their adolescence, they are not able to properly process.

_Always curious about your whereabouts

As a teenager, I was always curious about where my parents were a lot of the time. Sometimes I wanted to know if I was going to have to make my own dinner and sometimes I was up to no good. If your teenager seems to be increasingly aware of your schedule and what you’re up to, it may be because they too are up to something. Pay attention to how often your teen asks you where you are going. For example, they may ask how long you will be gone, or to prolong your trip to get them something they need. If your teen is having sex, they need to know when and where they can, and it obviously won’t be when you are around.

_Suddenly into their appearance

This one can be a little trickier, therefore, you have to pay close attention. You would think this is only for girls, but it applies to boys as well. With girls, you may notice subtle things like a little extra makeup for no good reason. They may start buying less modest clothes. We all know teenage girls can take lightyears to get ready even just for a trip to target. And boys are difficult unless you have one who never showers and all of a sudden takes up a new hygiene regime that includes cologne. However, you can still be aware of how much attention they give to their appearance in relation to who they are going to be around and where they are going.

_They become more secretive or distant

Have you noticed that your son doesn’t really come out of his room anymore? Or your daughter goes outside to take a phone call? Ha! Who am I kidding, teens don’t talk on the phone these days. What about when they are texting? Are they suddenly more aware of how close you are to their screen? If your teen is having sex they will most likely be making those plans on their devices. The last thing they want is for you to find out about it. The other thing I have to mention is what information they will willingly share with you. If you have a teenager who slowly becomes more distant, this is a huge sign. Keep the conversation open with your teen because the minute they stop sharing with you about their activities is the minute you should start paying more attention.

_Schoolwork starts to slack

This can happen for multiple reasons. As we stated at the beginning, teenagers do not have the mental capacity to deal with the emotional side of being sexually active. With all of these things going on in their head it can become hard to focus. Being distracted means not paying attention in class which leads to bad grades and incomplete assignments. For instance, incomplete assignments can be a sign your teen is having sex because they begin to prioritize social things over schoolwork.

In conclusion

Always pray and ask the Holy Spirit for discernment. Our perfect Father loves and cherishes our children even more than we do. He does not want them entangled in sexual sin.  He does not want them broken-hearted or anxious. God will give you the tools you need to deal with your teenagers as they begin to develop curiosity and sexual desires. Keep an open line of communication and start the sex conversation sooner than later.


Bethany Dumbleton is the Chief Operations Officer for Counter Culture mom. She is first and foremost a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.

Her husband and two children are her main ministry which overflows into her life ministry. She knows that our children follow our example. She strives to help parents grow in Christ, so they may shepherd their children biblically.


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2 Comments
  • Duane Smith
    Posted at 12:45h, 08 November Reply

    I had an instructor that sat on a church council that had excommunicated members for grievous sexual sins. He said in class that everyone that engaged in those sins started with pornography. The signs in this post also applies to porn addiction.

    Bringing up children to live correct principles and protecting them from pornography, and having an open relationship in which they can talked to you if they see or hear inappropriate material and behavior can go along way in keeping them from engaging in premarital sex. If they do succumb to temptation, it is important to help them in the repentance process. As difficult as it is, they can come back.

    • CCM Team
      Posted at 03:08h, 14 November Reply

      That is absolutely true, Duane.
      Grace is always what we have to remember, but not forgetting correction as well.
      They go hand in hand.

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